when you are in a 50-50 situation

I know my previous postings are not clear.. and some may get the wrong ideas of what I am saying here.. ok.. here goes..

I understands that it's normal for our monthly cycle to be late or early by few days.. sometimes by a week.. happened to me few times during my uni years.. and i don't simply be worried because i am married.. but for some reasons, i was worried at first.. i'm supposed to get it on 18th.. by right it's only been a week.. kebetulan, on sunday since hubby and me felt kinda sick, we decided to go to salam mc.. selain dari mintak ubat selsema, batuk dan demam, i told the M.O. that I'm late.. not that I'm excited to check or anything, but dekat ari2 tu sakit.... really hurts.. i told her it's like menyentap and menyucuk2 so the M.O asked me to do the P-test.. with a doubtful expression, I did the test..

Even the test result was pelik (for me lah).. A dear friend did that test and she got 2 clear lines.. so it's easy to tell lah.. I got 1 clear visible line, and the other was like 60% clear visible line. so I told the doctor since that is not a 2 visible lines, can i just get the ubat for my P to come out (aku tak tahan lah dah berhari2 sakit yang sama).. She said she could not do that.. Reason: when a result appeared this way, it means it's coming otw to be +ve (something like baru nak menjadi).. So, she gave me the folic acid meds which i don't even know for wut until Ee explained.. She asked me to do the test again in 1 week time.. hmm.. yang buat aku tak baper puas hati is: when i asked what if my P is not there in 1 week time? she said maknanye ye lah tu!! *hmmm*

So yes, i have done the test.. but the result is not clear at all for me.. masih samar2.. dan aku terpaksa menunggu seminggu lagi sebelum nak test.. habis tu cemana? terpaksa lah tunggu kan.. tapi yang menyakitkan hati ialah: bile sakit menyentap tu datang.. and since i've known what the M.O told me, so I dare not take any medication or any minyak panas..

I am not planning to expand my family immediately anyway.. so, bagi aku skang ni.. if ada, alhamdullillah aku terima and bersyukur.. but if takde, aku terima jugak since i got longer honeymooning moments.. plus i need to get ample time to move out move in to my real place kan..

it's just i am fed up with the assumption that if P tak datang jugak, meaning u are P lah.. what if it's not or it's other thing.. sakit pompuan bukan leh memain kan.. that is WHY i am worried.. the what-if-other-things part..

P/S: I hate to go for whole body checkup.. takut lah, nanti sakit ape semua dapat tau kan?